That Burning Smell is Me Thinking…

I have been trying to write a book review for my history class. I was distracted all day and I decided to go to the 24 hour Starbucks in order to minimize the distractions. As I settled into my work, I started feeling queasy. I barely got two paragraphs typed when I felt a dreadful stirring in my gut and a cold sweat developing on my forehead. That could mean only one thing; pack up my stuff and get to the restroom, NOW! I was lucky there was an open restroom, the place was packed. I was barely able to get the door locked when I erupted in the most spectacular Technicolor yawn, I didn’t even have time to put down my backpack! I couldn’t believe my aim was so good, and thank God the seat was already up!

It just kept coming. I was seeing everything I ate that evening, and I was in total disbelief of my condition. I am so glad I had the presence of mind to get to the bathroom when I did. I must have looked like a mad man packing up my stuff in a panic and rushing off to the restroom. In my rush to get to the toilet I dropped my coffee, that I took barely three sips from, in the trash.

I finally regained my composure and went to the register and bought one of their overpriced tins of gum to combat the wretched taste in my mouth. I popped two pieces in my mouth and left quickly. As I was walking down the sidewalk, I first felt like I wasted my time coming all the way down here only to get sick. I started to feel better and decided to duck inside a diner instead of getting on the bus that just pulled up, that’s where I am typing this. After an English muffin and a diet Coke, I feel better. I got another paragraph written and now have a direction for my paper, so the trip was not completely wasted.

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. This in no way reflects my work ethic, just my warped sense of humor. OK? Good.

INTRODUCTION
Not many people choose to wash dishes for a living, it just sort of happens. When we were young and were asked what we want to be when we grow up, I am sure not many of us responded with, “I want to be a professional dishwasher!” Usually many people find themselves washing dishes because it is something easy to do and it is a steady paycheck.

PART ONE: The Day’s Beginning
When starting out your day, it is important to get organized. Make sure the dishes are stacked according to shape and breakability. Stack the metal kitchen pots in the most haphazard way as possible to be sure that they will fall over when someone barely breaths on them. Then the breakable stuff should be located close to this precarious pile of pots so that when they fall, they will break the fragile bowls and plates in the most spectacular fashion. This will insure that you have fewer dishes to wash.

After sweeping up the broken dishes, it is time for a long smoke break. Make sure you smoke a minimum of two cigarettes. If you don’t smoke, then you should start. It is a great excuse to get out of the kitchen and go out to the sidewalk and watch people act stupid.

PART TWO: Looking and Sounding Busy
After your break, it is time to catch up on the rest of the days dishes. This time try to make it seem like you are being more careful. Make sure the machine is running at all times even if it means putting only one item on a rack at a time and sending it through. Next make sure you make lots of clinking sounds with the dishes, the more noise you make, the busier the boss will think you are.

After an hour of this charade, it is time for a trash run. Collect all of the trash cans and consolidate them into as few cans as possible so you wont have to make multiple trips to the dumpster. Put fresh can liners in the empty cans and put them back and take the full trash cans to the dumpster. Don’t forget your cigarettes, you will need to smoke at least two of them while you are out behind the dumpster. This would also be a good time to indulge in some of the alcoholic beverages that you stole from the bar and hid inside the trash can. Before you return to work, rub a little garbage juice on your apron to cover up the alcohol smell.

PART THREE: Closing Procedures
After the trash run, it is now time to think about closing the kitchen for the night. The best method I have found to get out early is to just sweep stuff under the tables and ovens. Nobody ever looks under there and you can sweep it out of there during the slow times later in the week. Mopping at the end of the day is optional; it is best to wait until the kitchen is really busy so you can have a good laugh watching people slip on the wet floor.

After you have “cleaned” up and drained the dish machine, it is time to go home. Congratulate yourself on a job well done!

I have traveled to Dallas to visit family and take care of some old business. I am looking forward to seeing my niece for the first time in years and also seeing the rest of the family. I brought along some toys to keep me busy and hopefully I wont be too distracted.

I am sorry to all of those who tried to visit this site and found it practically unreachable.

This site has been up and down, mostly down, for about a month now. It seems that my webhost has been experiencing big problems. They vow to re-evaluate everything and make sure it never happens again, so I am willing to give them a chance and let them try to prove themselves. Yesterday, they moved all of the websites I manage to another, less busy server. Things are better, so far.

It’s time to get out more. I have such a hard time getting out to enjoy the sunshine because I often feel trapped behind my desk. I really need to make more time this year because my physical health has been deteriorating and my mental health is slipping. So I am going to pump up the tires on my bike and ride it more.

I also have been making it a point to stay away from the office and actually hang out with people. Sometimes I have to force myself to go to where people are.

So, get out more and be around people. O.K.