That Burning Smell is Me Thinking…

Recently, I went to the park and built a small camp fire with my journal. It was a perfect night to do so; cool and slightly breezy. I found a little barbecue grill for my fire and I settled in to enjoy the warmth. It took a while to burn everything because there were many pages and I had to feed it about 3 pages at a time so it wouldn’t get too out of control.

The idea for journal burning was inspired by Jim Morrison, he would periodically burn his journals in order to get a fresh start. I decided to start doing it as I open new chapters of my life. Before the burning begins, I sit down and read each journal. If there is anything worth keeping, I copy it down in the next journal.

This recent journal was the worst one I ever wrote, probably because I was going through a time of tremendous growth. I was resisting growing up, but I knew I had to suffer in order to become the person I want to be. I was glad to see it reduced to ashes.

When I got home I hung out in the lobby for a while, then I went out for a hamburger and returned to my room to watch a TV show. Later I pulled the remnants of the journal out of my bag and noticed my expensive headphones were missing. CRAP!! I remembered that I left them in my bag when I went to the park. I looked around my room and my office and they were nowhere to be found. So I hopped on my bike and rushed down to the park. As I approached the spot I could see the little round black headphone case in the grass. I was relieved to find them, I was not about to let them get away.

I had not planned to return to the spot where I burned the journal, and I didn’t stick around too long because it was starting to sleet. Returning so soon made me think about how I sometimes revisit things too soon, or maybe how I don’t give much thought to my actions. I couldn’t decide which reason was valid so I explored both, but that is the subject for a new journal entry…

Blog posts about not writing blog posts are lame and this is kind of what this blog post is about. What would keep me from posting about all the juicy details of my current life right now? I am continuing a project I started last year, I am writing about my life. Much of it, I feel, is not fit for public consumption.

Right now I am writing about my teenage and early adult years. It was a time that in some ways I am proud of, but I also did many things I would rather keep to myself. It is helping me hone my writing skills and work on remembering the past and learning from it. It has also put me in a dark place spiritually, but I know I have to walk through this before I move on with my life. I haven’t been naughty or anything like that, I just have been working through many feelings that this project is dredging up.

I have been remembering names, places and details and as I remember one thing, it may pull another memory to the surface. I am beginning to realize how conflicted and aimless I was. My ideals didn’t match my reality sometimes. I am still very idealistic, but I also realize that many people don’t share my views and I accept that.

I had a strange dream last night. In the dream there was this guy who decided to help me out by giving me his student ID so I can have access to a prestigious university library. The funny thing was it was in a bad area of a big city, there had been a bunch of stabbings in the library and it was dimly lit. That didn’t deter me because I needed information. I have no idea what information I needed, but I needed to do research. The dream ended with my iBook and a bunch of reference books in front of me all over a big table and feeling secure.

I think I just ate too many soy nuts before going to bed.

The sayings on McDonalds bags and cups can be so incredibly stupid that it is shockingly funny. A plastic cup I have says, “i can’t get enough water… i’m lovin’ it” (sic). It shows two guys in a kayak shaped out of the words “i’m lovin’ it” in many different languages. Who the heck thought of this one?! They are surrounded by water!
Maybe he is referring to the fact that since we drink so much soda we are headed for a bad case of kidney stones. Sometimes I think the agencies that think this crap up are working against their clients! And they are also reinforcing crappy grammar because they cannot find the flippin’ shift key on the stinkin’ keyboard!

Okay, I feel better now.

By the way, I drink more water and I use that stupid cup as my water cup.

Today, jamescouncil.com is one year old. Wow, what a year!

This blogging thing started out as an experiment two years ago and last year I struck out on my own with my own domain and webspace. I have been thinking about actually doing some rearranging to help my ideas flow better. I recently changed the theme and added another page, but I just installed iWeb yesterday and I feel inspired to do something. I am thinking about ditching my Flickr and Myspace accounts and consolidating things more; things are a little too scattered. Since I have many gigabytes of space available here I should do more with what I have and stay away from limited free services. So I am thinking and experimenting, soon I will have a plan.